Re-examine all you've been told

"Re-examine all you've been told... Dismiss what insults your soul." - Walt Whitman

A couple years ago a coworker who I'd had long had a personality clash with said something incredibly unkind to me. I did not even then think he had said it to deliberately wound me; I do not think that is his nature but rather that his nature is to "get things done" and I, moving at my own methodical pace, do not accomplish tasks as quickly nor as effectively as he believes they should be accomplished. I bit my tongue, and after he left my cubicle, fumed for a bit and decided I needed to calm down before I could accomplish the task at a rate pleasing even to myself. Peppermint herbal tea is always helpful for calming me and so I went to the break room to fit a mug.

Walt Whitman's words are what the little tea bag said, and they had as much a calming effect on me as did the peppermint. It was a turning point for me. I cannot say I no longer get agitated at work, but putting those words above my computer screen became a reminder for me to not take insulting, hurtful things personally - even if they are meant that way. Everyone handles stress in different ways. Myself, I generally internalize, which intellectually I know is unhealthy, but that knowledge doesn't automatically stop me from doing it. It's nice to have a reminder, especially in such as unexpected way, that I don't need to let the opinions of others define who I am.

Recently I read these words by Buddhist nun Pema Chodron:

We insist on being Someone, with a capital S. We get security from defining ourselves as worthless or worthy, superior or inferior. We waste precious time exaggerating or romanticizing or belittling ourselves with a complacent surety that yes, that's who we are. We mistake the openness of our being -- the inherent wonder and surprise of each moment -- for a solid, irrefutable self. Because of this misunderstanding, we suffer. 

Security from defining ourselves as worthless or inferior? Security from exaggerating our faults? These were new thoughts to me, yet I could see the truth in them as soon as I'd read the words. We live in a world that disdains virtue and extols weakness. Instead of acknowledging weaknesses and using them to discover your strengths and help others, the world seems to think that acknowledging weaknesses and letting them lie is somehow intellectually, emotionally and morally superior.

But I don't think we are meant to remain broken. I don't think we are meant to celebrate our brokenness, but rather use it to become more patient and tolerant and compassionate. And we are not meant to shy away from others when we see their brokenness, but rather to love them all the more. The fact that we are here, on this planet, with everyone else already and by itself should tell us that we are someone of worth. And our worth is not greater than our neighbors, nor is it less. I think the only people we should believe we are worth "more than" is the self we were yesterday, when we were less than we were capable of.

I got the idea for this blog a couple days ago while looking at the glass jar where for months I'd been tossing the slips of paper from fortune cookies, tea bag tags, candy wrappers and bottle caps containing little pearls of wisdom. Every now and then I'd pull one out to read it and contemplate it, and I would add to it as I'd come across a new bit of wisdom. I also thought it could serve as a writing exercise; I don't often enough give myself permission to write, permission to pursue my dreams. I think it's because somewhere along the line I started telling myself that I didn't really have much to say, and what I did say no one would really care about anyway. But following Mr Whitman's advice, I hereby dismiss that little bit of soul-insulting nonsense.